to the devil an over actor
Phonecall from Siobhan Patterson.
She is better known to scholars of my work as Siobhan Scattergun.
She is a character.
She bears no resemblance to any other person living or dead.
Except herself.
"Reggie McGroarity is getting married," she chirps.
I groan.
McGroarity!
From somewhere closeby the soundtrack to The Good The Bad And The Ugly goes Aieeeeeaieeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Reggie McGroarity!
He's an actor who got his first big break back in 1996 playing a bit part in my play Vampires Of Dublin.
His first big break.
A bit part.
My play.
He has since gone on to fame and fortune.
I have a lot to answer for.
Reggie McGroarity!
Left ham of the devil.
In the past year he's won a national theatre award, played the lead role in Look Back In Anger, and starred in an insufferable Amstel Lager commercial.
He's currently doing the rounds in some follow up television advertisement.
By the way, if McGroarity is the left ham, just to keep the record straight, you should know that the right ham of the devil is Michael Appourchaux, a French actor who also got his first big break in an even bittier part in my Vampires play, and who like McGroarity has gone on to bigger things.
In France, some of the critics are referring to Appourchaux as the new Depardieu.
I kid you not.
It's not the phrase I would have chosen.
Ah, everybody's making it big but me.
But I digress.
Scattergun was still on the phone, holding for some quotable quote.
"So McGroarity is getting married," quoth I.
"Yes," sez she, "he found a girl up the mountains."
"Carpathians?" enquired I.
"Wicklows," said she.
After a few less than charitable comments from me she rang off.
In many ways I am a bitter man.
I don't always enjoy seeing my proteges triumph.
I mean, whatever next bold readers!
A Pulitzer prize for the Johnston Press?
She is better known to scholars of my work as Siobhan Scattergun.
She is a character.
She bears no resemblance to any other person living or dead.
Except herself.
"Reggie McGroarity is getting married," she chirps.
I groan.
McGroarity!
From somewhere closeby the soundtrack to The Good The Bad And The Ugly goes Aieeeeeaieeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
Reggie McGroarity!
He's an actor who got his first big break back in 1996 playing a bit part in my play Vampires Of Dublin.
His first big break.
A bit part.
My play.
He has since gone on to fame and fortune.
I have a lot to answer for.
Reggie McGroarity!
Left ham of the devil.
In the past year he's won a national theatre award, played the lead role in Look Back In Anger, and starred in an insufferable Amstel Lager commercial.
He's currently doing the rounds in some follow up television advertisement.
By the way, if McGroarity is the left ham, just to keep the record straight, you should know that the right ham of the devil is Michael Appourchaux, a French actor who also got his first big break in an even bittier part in my Vampires play, and who like McGroarity has gone on to bigger things.
In France, some of the critics are referring to Appourchaux as the new Depardieu.
I kid you not.
It's not the phrase I would have chosen.
Ah, everybody's making it big but me.
But I digress.
Scattergun was still on the phone, holding for some quotable quote.
"So McGroarity is getting married," quoth I.
"Yes," sez she, "he found a girl up the mountains."
"Carpathians?" enquired I.
"Wicklows," said she.
After a few less than charitable comments from me she rang off.
In many ways I am a bitter man.
I don't always enjoy seeing my proteges triumph.
I mean, whatever next bold readers!
A Pulitzer prize for the Johnston Press?
posted by heelers | 1:15 AM
10 Comments:
I hear Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show faintly in the background. "Everybody's makin' it, makin' it, makin' it, makin' it big but me..."
There's no justice in this world, James. Very little, anyhow.
God has rewarded us with each other! And lots more besides!
J
Reggie McGroarity?
His real name is Daffyd O'Shea.
James, I feel as if your diaries are inspiring me to write a best-selling children's series about a brilliant but eccentric Irish writer and his menagerie of pet slugs. I will, of course, dedicate the last volume to you. :)
-MJ
I have that effect sometimes! I either drive people nuts or I make em want to write books!
J
James,
Why not both?
Yours,
MJ
Missj.
I am a man of simple pleasures, but not entirely without vanity.
I hereby formally give you legal title to the use of my name in your book. You may write whatsoever you will about any character named after, or otherwise based upon, me.
J
James, you have just sealed your doom. Thank you very much. :)
Yours,
MJ
Knock em dead MJ!
J
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