The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Saturday, September 25, 2010

from the heelers emails

----- Original Message -----
To: Heelers
Sent: Thursday, September 23, 2010 7:12 PM
Subject: FROM THE DESK OF KARIUM AMADOU
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING,
OCEANIC BANK PLC, OUAGADOUGOU,
BURKINA FASO.

CONFIDENTIAL TRUST BUSINESS DEAL
MR HEALY.

I KNEW THIS MESSAGE WILL COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE. I AM INCHARGE OF AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING SECTION IN OCEANIC BANK PLC, OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FASO. I HOPED THAT YOU WILL NOT EXPOSE OR BETRAY THIS TRUST AND CONFIDENT THAT I AM ABOUT TO IMPOSE ON YOU FOR THE MUTUAL BENEFIT OF OUR FAMILIES.

I NEED YOUR URGENT ASSISTANCE IN TRANSFERRING THE SUM OF ( USD$22) MILLION DOLLARS TO YOUR ACCOUNT WITHIN 7 BANKING DAYS. THIS MONEY HAS BEEN DORMANT FOR YEARS IN OUR BANK WITHOUT ANY BODY CLAIMING THE FUND.

I WANT THE BANK TO RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEAREST PERSON TO OUR DECEASED CUSTOMER (THE OWNER OF THE ACCOUNT) BELONGS TO ONE OF OUR FOREIGN CUSTOMER ( MR.HATEM KAMIL ABDUL FATAH WHOM UNFORTUNATELY LOST HIS LIFE BY SHOOTING FROM UNKNOWN PEOPLE IN IRAQ, YOU MAY READ MORE ABOUT THE INCIDENT ON VISITING THIS BBC NEWS

WEBSITE:http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/middle east/3970619.stm http://www.uslaboragainstwar.org/article.php?id=6979

I DON'T WANT THE MONEY TO GO INTO OUR BANK TREASURER ACCOUNT AS AN ABANDONED FUND. SO THIS IS THE REASON WHY I CONTACTED YOU SO THAT THE BANK CAN RELEASE THE MONEY TO YOU AS THE NEXT OF KIN TO THE DECEASED CUSTOMER. PLEASE I WOULD LIKE YOU TO KEEP THIS PROPOSAL AS A TOP SECRET AND DELETE IT IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.

UPON RECEIPT OF YOUR REPLY, I WILL GIVE YOU FULL DETAILS ON HOW THE BUSINESS WILL BE EXECUTED AND ALSO NOTE THAT YOU WILL HAVE 40% OF THE ABOVE MENTIONED SUM IF YOU AGREE TO HANDLE THIS BUSINESS WITH ME. AND 10% WILL BE SET ASIDE FOR ANY EXPENSES THAT ARISES ON THE PROCESS BEFORE THE FUND GET INTO YOUR BANK ACCOUNT SUCH AS TELEPHONE CALLS BILLS (ETC).
REPLY AND CALL

THANK

KARIUM AMADOU
********************************************************
ORIGINAL MESSAGE 24th September 2010
From: Heelers.
To: Karium Amadou
Dear Karium.
I don't know what you take me for.
How dare you.
The very idea.
The notion that my share of the loot could be just 40 percent is offensive in the extreme.
Realistically speaking, I might have been willing to accept 90 percent and cut you in for 10.
The expenses would of course have come out of your own cut.
But credit where credit is due.
You are quite correct that I am the sort of louche venal fellow (think Ger Colleran with an intellect) who is capable of accepting 22 million dollars into his bank account no questions asked.
But taking money from a dead Muslim is an act so thoroughly repugnant to me that I can scarce find words to express my emotions.
For crying out loud.
Muslims kill motherf---ers, Karium, in case you haven't noticed.
I never, never, ever under any circumstances, mess with the Mussies.
Now if you can find us a nice deceased peaceable Buddhist to steal 22 million dollars from, I will be happy to consider your request.
Arf arf.
In any case the main genuinely ontological problem which I foresee in you putting 22 million dollars into my bank account is the fact that I don't have a bank account.
I recently fell out with my personal bank, Allied Irish Banks (AIB), over its arrant incompetence and grotesque corruption.
For twenty years Allied Irish Banks had been declaring billion dollar profits.
Then overnight it went bust.
The profits never existed.
The profits had been based on accountancy tricks.
Who wudda thunk it, eh Karium?
All those million dollar salaries Allied Irish Banks management were paying themselves and continue to pay themselves, were and are nothing more than grand theft auto.
You will be aware that Ireland's corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail government handed Allied Irish Banks billions of dollars of my money to stave off its inevitable demise.
You will also, as an informed financier with an eye for the main chance, be aware that the same corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail government has used the Irish treasury to bail out other banks, particularly and most crassly, Fianna Fail's own personal bank Anglo Irish Bank (note: Not AIB) with limitless funding up to and beyond a cool sixty thousand million dollars.
Anglo Irish Bank was not in the top three banks in Ireland and could have been let fail without any danger to the overall economy.
I kid you not.
Almost without exception the only people with serious money in Anglo Irish Bank were Fianna Fail members, their friends and associates.
The bail out for Anglo Irish Bank was a smash and grab on the Republic Of Ireland by the Fianna Fail party and its supporters.
Fianna Fail have forced us all to cover Fianna Fail's investment losses.
And you know what Karium.
Their own investment money isn't even really lost.
These thieves of the political class and their friends have sequestered billions.
I'm telling you, even President Robert Mugabe would have been too embarassed to bankrupt Zimbabwe in the manner in which Fianna Fail has bankrupted Ireland.
I mean Mugabe never had a democracy or a wealthy country to govern.
So when he desecrated Zimbabwe he acted predictably and true to his nature.
He's guilty as sin but his sin is clearly less than that of those who grew up in Ireland with the benefits of 2000 years of Christianity.
Yes.
Up to thirty years ago, Ireland was a free, democratic, Christian country.
It only took the present generation of idolators and hoor masters three short decades to lay waste two thousand years of civilisation.
And here's the rub.
The Fianna Fail thieves actually didn't need to bankrupt us to live well.
They had enough cash.
They were well paid.
Their hubris was that having stolen a little, they went on to steal everything.
And then they went on to steal money we didn't even have.
And you know what.
They did it because they liked doing it.
So the bail out of Ireland's moribund banks rolls on.
The banks are dead.
But Fianna Fail is insistent that it will throw good borrowed billions after bad.
Just remember.
This money is at present being borrowed against unborn generations of Irish people.
Hoo baby.
I gotta tell you one more thing.
The bail out of Allied Irish Bank was bad enough.
But the bail out of Anglo Irish Bank will finish Ireland as a nation.
For the record, Anglo Irish Bank was a shell company run on behalf of gangsters by a scoundrel called Sean Fitzpatrick.
Sean Fitzpatrick always planned on going out of business and he always planned on the State picking up the tab.
It was his business model to fail.
Before it went out of business, Anglo Irish Bank received seven thousand million dollars from a financial institution called Irish Life And Permanent to help it conceal its imminent collapse and allay public concerns about the bail out Fianna Fail was about to tie the Irish people into.
The head of Irish Life and Permanent is Gillian Bowler.
If I ever have power both Sean Fitzpatrick, Gillian Bowler and the boards of their banks, and their families, and all their friends with mysterious unexplained hundred million dollar bank assets, all of them I say, all will have their assets seized and will spend their declining days in jail.
No pensions.
No parole.
No laughing in triumph at the peasants you have condemned to penury.
I will break you all.
Do not pass go.
Do not bankrupt the Irish people.
Do not dine out on your evil doing in perpetuity.
Ah Karium.
Sometimes you must wish you were Irish, eh?
No need to arrange cloak and dagger fund transfers from dead Iraqis to the accounts of people you don't know and can't trust.
All you have to do is buy yourself a political party called Fianna Fail.
And if you can't buy Fianna Fail, buy our opposition party Fine Gael.
It was a Fine Gael politician called Garret Fitzgerald who first bailed out Allied Irish Banks with tax payers money and secured absolutely nothing for the Irish people in return, when Allied Irish Banks last went bust through its corrupt piratical corporate adventurism back in the 1970's.
You couldn't make it up.
But Fianna Fail are the thieves par excellence, Karium.
They'll give you all my money, all the money belonging to ever other living Irish person, and all the money that they can borrow against future generations of Irish people stretching forward hundreds of years.
You could end your paltry spamming scams Karium and live large.
Please forgive my strong feelings on this matter.
Your own offer of 22 million dollars to be deposited into my non existent bank account, pales into insignificance compared to the amount with which Fianna Fail has saddled future generations of Irish people in order to pay for Anglo Irish Bank's, Allied Irish Banks', Bank of Ireland's, Irish Life And Permanent's, Sean Fitzpatrick's, Gillian Bowler's, and all the others' adventurist thievery from their own coffers.
But I digress.
All I wanted to make clear to you was that I do not have a bank account and am therefore probably of no use to you in the venerable business of robbing dead Iraqis.
I suppose if you want to send twenty two million dollars by post to the Chateau De Healy, I could hardly quibble.
Anyhoo.
When I started talking about my own lack of a bank account, I went and got all excited about the theft of a nation.
Back to the main feature.
Things came to a head for me personally with Allied Irish Banks when Allied Irish Banks sent me a letter cancelling my overdraft facility the same week our corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail government guaranteed Allied Irish Banks billions of dollars of my money whether I was their customer or not.
The exact same week.
Hilarious no.
I closed my bank account immediately.
Let's see if I can live without doing business with Allied Irish Banks, shall we.
And of course if I ever accept power in Ireland (that old gag) Allied Irish Banks will be returning all of my money which it has been given by Fianna Fail. The assets of Allied Irish Banks management will be seized. And we'll let the thieves of Allied Irish Banks pay their own gambling losses.
Along with all the other banking thieves Fianna Fail is so sure the nation needs to succour in order to survive.
They're killing us Karium.
They're killing us before the eyes of the world.
In the meantime, you need to keep your eyes out for those rich dead Buddhists and let me know if one shows up.
Regards.
James
PS: :Loved your 1980's pop songs, particularly Shy To Shy.
PPS: Also was oddly amused by some of your Karium On films with Sid James and Kenneth Williams, particularly Karium Up The Khyber.
PPPS: For your information Ger Colleran is a porcine grinning otiose predatory venal egg yolk of a man who edits the Daily Star and who once falsely maliciously and malignly claimed on national television that children had been abused in every Catholic Church presbytery in Ireland. To date Colleran has not answered for his crimes. Nor has his friend Paedophile Ian O'Doherty answered for similarly grotesque incitements to hatred. Paedophile Ian O'Doherty last year wrote falsely, maliciously and malignly in the Irish Independent claiming that the Catholic Church is a paedophile ring. There is no law for Catholics anymore in Ireland, Karium. There is only law for bankers. And for politicians. And for Muslims. And for hoor masters.
PPPPS: Have you ever considered getting to know the God of the Hebrews? I recommend you give him a chance. Read the gospel of Saint John. Seriously though. It's fun being on the side of the forces of good...
PPPPPS: You evil spammer c---!

1 Comments:

Anonymous MissJean said...

James, that is the funniest and saddest thing I've read all month. Also, the red underlined text did horrible things to my eyes. I now have after effects when looking at a white screen.

Yours in Christ,
MJ

4:46 PM  

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