The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

our television listings

RTE
(Ireland's national fraudcaster)
10.00 Scooby Doo. The most intellectual programme on RTE.
11.00 Murder She Wrote. Jessica converts to Islam and is exposed as an Al Qaeda agent after trying to release anthrax into the water supply at Cabott Cove.
12.00 Friends. Monica gives Chandler a blow job in return for a hundred thousand dollar computer contract.
1.00 Lunchtime With Archy. Archbishop Diarmuid Martin sitcom featuring one lone Marxist's attempts to infiltrate and destroy an ancient faith.
2.00 Tubridy Dead. Youngest scion of a Fianna Fail dynasty Ryan Tubridy dines out on my dime.
3.00 Miriam O'Callaghan In The Afternoon. Fianna Fail hag (Hack surely? - Ed note) dines out on my dime. Her brother is a senior Fianna Fail politician. Her husband has a hundred thousand dollar job in RTE as a masseur. (Head of Programme Commissioning surely - Ed note)
4.00 Gerry Ryan Remembered. Fawning retrospective look back at the life of broadcaster Gerry Ryan, a childhood friend of the corrupt kleptocratic Fianna Fail Haughey dynasty who just happened to walk into a million dollar a year job at RTE.
4.30 Diggy Duignan Remembers. Fianna Fail scion Sean Duignan looks back on his career in RTE as a Fianna Fail propagandist. (Investigative reporter surely? - Ed note)
5.00 Round Up The Usual Suspects. A celebration of the hijacking of RTE by an arcane admixture of Fianna Fail dynasts and atheist Bolshevicks. Presented by ageing Maoist Vincent Browne who is more famous for setting up perpetually failing newspapers and for introducing mentally ill pop singer Sinead O'Connor to Marxist dialectic. (His penis surely? - Ed note) Apparently no amount of journalistic failures or sexual abuse of mentally ill pop stars can prevent Vincent Browne from having a hundred thousand dollar presenter's job on national television. Get off you twit. You're making me sick.
6.00 News. Presented by Anne Doyle who is most famous for her sexual liaisons with corrupt kleptocratic former Fianna Fail government Minister Sean Doherty.
7.00 Coronation  Street. Curly plans to assassinate the Pope on his visit to Weatherfield.
8.00 Irish Parliament Live. Up to the minute footage of empty seats.
9.00 News and Weather. The news will be from an invidious left wing atheistic perspective and the weather will be rainy.
10.00 Ryan Tubridy Tonight. He's like Doctor ephin Phibes with a Fianna Fail badge.
11.00 The Mary Tyler Moore Show. The famous controversial episode where Mary joins Al Qaeda to prove there really is a Muslim war against humanity. They'll never broadcast this.

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