The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

minutes of the annual general meeting of allied irish bank

Board members applauded the recent government decision to take Allied Irish Bank into State ownership.
There was general agreement that the Fine Gael Labour purchase of Allied Irish Bank's worthless shares for a sum of five thousand million dollars in public money, represented a good deal for all concerned.
Mr Lochlainn Quinn, brother of Fine Gael Labour Education Minister Ruairi Quinn, informed the meeting that all was right with the world, and that the government bail out of Allied Irish Banks would not compel any Board Members to surrender any multi million dollar assets they had improperly accrued as remuneration during the period when the bank was claiming purely notional profits through the publication of false accounting statistics.
Mr Lochlainn Quinn then addressed the meeting in song, wearing nothing except a golden cone bra which the Irish government had earlier stolen from the luggage of pop singer Madonna and presented to him.
Mr Lochlainn Quinn sang as follows:
"Papa don't preach
I'm in trouble deep
Papa don't preach
I'm on losing streak
But I've made up my mind
I'm keeping me vineyard
Hoo yeah
Gonna keep my vineyard
Mama always told me right from wrong
She said Ruairi would be the political one
And I could make my way
As a billionaire banker
Oh yeah
Now I've busted the whole bank
There's no more cash in the tank
And we need a five thousand million dollar bail out
And I don't mean maybe
To keep us in the style we've become accustomed to
Oooh oooh
Papa don't preach
I'm in trouble deep
Papa don't preach
I'm on losing streak
But I've made up my mind
I'm keeping my vineyard
And six homes
And my luxury cars
And my twenty overseas holidays a year
Hooo yeeahhhhh"

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