The Heelers Diaries

the fantasy world of ireland's greatest living poet

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Location: Kilcullen (Phone 087 7790766), County Kildare, Ireland

Tuesday, January 05, 2016

tonight's irish prime ministerial broadcast to the nation

Prime Minister Enda Kenny of the Fine Gael political party is seated at the old oak desk in his office just down the hall from the parliamentary chamber. The camera pulls back. He is wearing a yellow plastic raincoat, a thong, and rubber boots. This outfit lends him about as much gravitas as everything else he ever wears. He stands and begins to dance. Very catchy music kicks in as he sings thusly:

"Peasantry's risin
Popularity's gettin low
According to our sources
The streets the place to go
Because tonight for the first time
Just about half past ten
For the first time in history
We're gonna claim climate change is real again
It's climate change
Hallelujah
It's climate change
Amen
I'm gonna go out
And make the peasantry get
Absolutely distracted
By the wet
God bless Mother Nature
She's a Fine Gaeler too
She saw our polls collapsing
And knew just what she had to do
She moved around the heavens
And arranged some precipitation
So that each and every government department
Could distract the entire nation
It's rainin again
I feel
Stormy
Weather
Comin
On
It's getting under my thong
Don't 
you
worry
about
Muslim
Jihad-e-e-e-e-s
There's rain on the breeeeeeeeeze
It's raining climate change
Hallelujah
It's raining climate change
Amen
Wet, slushy, droplets, drippy
It beats the hell out of having a real economic policy
God bless Mother Nature
She's a Fine Gaeler too
She saw that we were tanking
And she knew just what she had to do
She phoned up the Irish Times
And made a call to RTE
So that this bunch of bolshevick gombeens
Would help me manipulate the peasantry
It's raining climate change
Hallelujah
It's raining climate change
Amen
I'm gonna go out
With this crisis confected
And get myself
Re-el-ected
It's raining again
Nerdle nerdle nerrrrr
Wooooo oh oh ohhhhhhhhhh"

There is an elegiac wistfulness to this song which appeals to me, gentle travellers of the internet.
All you have to do, regarding the real political, economic, abortionist, euthanasist, culture of death, neo feudalist IRA, mafia, criminal, and Islamist in-migratory challenges engulfing our country is... ignore them and worry about the rain.
Regarding the actual problems confronting us, you needn't give a dam.
I wish I were a Fine Gaeler.
My gosh, perhaps I am.

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